the last of the birthdays

Saturday Faith and Bede had their joint birthday party. It was a blast! We had an assortment of friends and family come over for cake. Nothing extravagant. Faith was given Barbies, craft kits and fairy books and Bede was given alphabet books and stickers, car books and several Hot Wheels.

The best moment was when we were singing Happy Birthday and Bede, who was in the living room totally absorbed by his stickers, came in to the dining room where we were singing and sat down in front of his cake and actually tried to blow the candles out when we finished singing. He never ‘got’ birthdays before this, and the singing would either make him scream (he used to REALLY hate when we sang) or he’d ignore it and lunge for the cake. This year he knew what was what.

I’m so thankful for his autism because it makes me notice and appreciate those sorts of little things that parents of nonautistic kids totally take for granted. (Or at least I did, anyway, before Bede came into our lives.) As well as so many things I’d never have noticed at all. WTG Bede!

Faith’s cake was florally encrusted with frosting flowers. Bede’s was 18 cupcakes spelling H A P P Y  5TH  B I R T H D A Y  B E D E. They both loved their cakes. Faith’s was really, really beautiful, and Bede’s was, well, really letter-y.

Then there was Easter, which will get its own post tomorrow with pictures. Now I gotta go to bed!

Apples falling close to trees, and so forth

Bede’s up for his annual visit with the spectacular Diana Mobley, PhD in a month or so. I’m thinking over his development this year, along with autistic mind structure, and I saw these tests posted in a community for adults with Asperger’s Syndrome.

I took ’em.

Autism Spectrum quotient:
Your score: 40
0 – 10 = low
11 – 22 = average (most women score about 15 and most men score about 17)
23 – 31 = above average
32 – 50 is very high (most people with Asperger Syndrome or high-functioning autism score about 35)
50 is maximum

Systemizing quotient:
Your score: 67
0 – 19 = low
20 – 39 = average (most women score about 24 and most men score about 30)
40 – 50 = above average (most people with Asperger Syndrome or high-functioning autism score in this range)
51 – 80 is very high (three times as many people with Asperger Syndrome score in this range, compared to typical men, and almost no women score in this range)
80 is maximum

I always think my own identification as ‘probably autistic’ is all in my head. Ha, ha. Of course it is, where else would it be? In my knees? But seriously. I guess I really might be.

Raising ’em right

Bede just scored a win.

He climbed up on the dining table, leaned over to the shelves next to it, and nabbed our Firefly box set. He dashed off with it, crowing “Fie-er-fwy! Hmhnn!” and before I could catch up to him (I was holding G-Lo) he had a disc out of the box and ran over to the DVD player.

He selected “Shindig.” One of my faves. The captions are on and he’s reading them all and hopping up and down happily. He seems to like River and Mal the best – kid’s got taste. Tomorrow he’s going to line up exciting new crime, I’m sure.

On that note, I loved the second one of these.

Why I’m blogging, exactly

I don’t know why I blog vs. keeping a private journal. I like to get your comments, I guess. But that also means that I feel like I need to entertain you. And I worry that you’ll be bored by my short “Bede did this” posts.

But at any rate, today Bede played with Cars cars with Faith and me, which he never does.

And now the baby is crying so I can’t elaborate.

blown away

I’m writing this here to remember it.

Gilbert just bumped his head, and came over to me crying. (It’s unclear whether he bumped his own head or was pushed into bumping it by Bede.) Bede got off his computer, squeezed in next to Gilbert – basically draping himself over Gilbert, who had his head in my lap – kissed Gilbert’s cheek and then, as Gilbert stood up, gave him a gentle, loving hug with an affectionate look on his face.

I was verbalizing through this for both boys: “Nice boys! Brothers! Brothers love! A kiss! A hug! Bede loves Gilbert! Gilbert loves Bede!” Gilbert was just as touched by it as I was, and smiled and hugged back as he said “I love you too, Bede.”

I’m just blown away by this. My sweet boys! Snif.

autism, vaccines, and me

Emily asked me what I thought about David Kirby’s recent post on autism, mitochondrial disease and vaccines. David Kirby is the author of Evidence of Harm and a strong promoter of the anecdotal claim that vaccines cause autism and are responsible for the increase in autism diagnoses we have seen in the US recently.

I don’t believe that there is a convincing link between vaccines and autism. I believe that the increase in autism diagnoses is due entirely to the broadening of the diagnostic criteria. In other words, more children have been diagnosed with autism spectrum disorders because the definition of autism has changed in such a way that it now can fit six people out of every thousand instead of one.

Here is an excellent and very readable book on that topic: Unstrange Minds, by Roy Richard Grinker.

I don’t think there are any more autistic people now than there ever have been before. I think we’re just finally seeing the autism for what it is.

I will look into Kirby’s reasoning more thoroughly when I have time. I’m willing to believe that vaccines could make an underlying condition worse, which is what that post seems to be saying? I am tired.

(NB: Most of you know this already, but Bede’s autism diagnosis was given before he had any vaccines. We vaccinate on our own delayed schedule chez Glee, and so I am completely sure that his autism is unrelated to vaccination.)

Happy Birthday To Us

My father, father of five, grandfather of eighteen, great-grandfather of two, is 83 years old today. Wow! Way to go Dad!

Beatrice Anna was two, on the 22nd of February.

And tomorrow I shall be 34.

We all got together yesterday, along with many other family members, and had a party! It was Leap Day and seemed like a good time to have one. In years past, we had three generation birthday parties on Leap Day as well, but with a different February representative: my father’s mother, ‘Babe’, was born on February 28th.

Anyway, continuing in the grand tradition, we went to Red Lobster last night. We don’t go out to eat, ever, so it was an even bigger deal. Bede and Trixie were each given a man-to-man defense and the other kids were dealt with on a zone basis. It went well! I can sort of even remember what my food tasted like. And Gilbert and Faith both wanted broccoli instead of french fries, which I found amusing. Maybe because they get more french fries than broccoli at home, and so it seemed a treat? WHo can say.

Bede did very well until the people behind us sang Happy Birthday (to one of their party) and ate cake. He wanted their cake. “Want see cake? Okay, I getchoo CAAAKE!!” After it became apparent to him that he wasn’t going to get their cake, he switched tack to tearfully pleading “Want see let’s-go? Want see backyard?”

We left then, wondering, backyard? Huh?

Turns out he meant the parking lot, which was enclosed by stockade fencing.

Because he’s autistic and you know, they don’t notice details in their surroundings because they’re in their own little world. Yeah. And they can’t communicate  and they’re like “retards or something”.

Yeeeah. That’s it. Oh wait, that’s not it. At all.

a summation

Boy it’s been busy here. Not in the accomplishing big things sort of way, but in the constantly putting out small fires way. Whew.

In the last few days, Trixie turned 2. What an amazing thing that is. She’s so cute. If you haven’t read the story of her very exciting entrance into the world two years ago, please go read it. It’s entirely un-squicky too, no blood, I promise. She’ll be fêted properly on Friday, when she, my father (March 1) and I (March 2) will have a big ol Leap Day Birthdays Party. Whee!

Bede has been Mr. Sensory Seeker for the last week or so, which usually indicates that he’ll be making a huge leap in language, and he did. He correctly filled out some of the ‘tests’ in this book (like this one, only more complex) totally on his own. I had given him the book and said “Here! Fun! Words!” but no directions. He read the directions and filled out the tests, which I only discovered when I looked at it later. Wow.

Faith has been keeping a journal, which she let me read yesterday. I don’t know what I was expecting but it says things like “Today I held Gloria and she smiled at me! With Joy! She is so soft and I love her so much!” I’m still cleaning the spot where I melted right into the floor. Sigh.

Gilbert is marginally less whine-prone, for which we all are grateful. He enjoins us throughout the day to play fairy-tale games with him, mostly Jack and the Beanstalk and The Tortoise and the Hare. Mostly that means running around and pretending to sleep, for either tale. I’m usually the Giant or the Tortoise.

Abby has been on a crafting binge and has been writing how-to books. When she finishes I’ll transcribe them so you can learn from her technique. Topics include making tissue paper flowers, various peanut butter based treats, and sock dolls.

Someone with improper security clearance is in the bathroom. I must fly!

lost and found

OK, two Bede and language posts in a row, but this one’s priceless.

We were playing with the puzzle set Hala gave him for Christmas (his favorite toy) and we couldn’t find a “V”. We had looked pretty thoroughly and I said “Well buddy, it’s nowhere to be found.”

Bede responded with “404 Error File Not Found!”

Me myself and I

So Bede has the typical gestalt language acquisition traits of the autist. He asks for juice or cookies or DVDs by asking us if we’d like them. “Want see apple juice?” and when we say “Do you want some apple juice?” he says “OK! I get you some apple juice!” He says “Bye Bede!” when he says goodbye. Etc.

Today he used I to refer to himself, in a novel phrase: he said, to me as we cuddled, “I’m a cutie!”

I couldn’t have put it better myself.

Of Adam, language and communication

Adam is a little boy who reminds me very much of Bede. He’s about a year older than Bede, and he’s a hyperlexic autist too.

Adam’s mother, Estee, founded the Autism Acceptance Project. Today, her blog, the Joy of Autism, has a video post entitled ‘Adam Speaks.’ Adam is minimally verbal in terms of his spoken language, but all the years of soaking in text have come to fruition quite spectacularly recently, as you can see from the video.

As always, not being able to speak is not the same as not having anything to say. Mazel tov, Adam and Estee.

Sleep it is a gentle thing

A new study has confirmed what the Gleeson family already knows: melatonin helps autistic kids sleep.

The study is the largest of its kind, looking at the medical records of 107 children with autism, ages 2-18, who had tried varying dosages of melatonin for insomnia. Twenty-five percent of parents reported they no longer had sleep concerns after using melatonin, 60 percent of parents reported the sleep problems had improved, 13 percent still had major concerns and only 1 percent (one child) had worse symptoms.  Only three of the 107 children studied reported mild side effects.

We’re in the 25% camp. Bede, who will be five next month, takes half of a 1mg tablet of melatonin every night and has since July of 2007 and I can say it has literally changed our lives. He used to be awake until 2AM or later four to five nights out of the week, still rising for the day around 8, with no nap. Now we give him his melatonin around 10:45PM and he is asleep by 11. Sean is the bedtime guy around here and it was like to killing him. No more!

finger-flick to Autism Vox

‘Disorder, or Identity’ redux

There’s some pretty hefty critiques of that article I posted. I’d love to write my own but I can’t focus on it long enough to do so. So I’ll take advantage of the wonder of the hyperlink and just link to some (I’ll be editing this post as I get more):

Here’s a bit in the comments on the original post.

Here’s Amanda’s post on equality and extremes.

my little hacker

So. Bede continues to amaze.

We have several computers in this house. OK, more than several. We have five. One is exclusively Bede’s, one is for Faith and Abby, one is mine and two are Sean’s (the old Mac and the new Mac.) Bede has been using the computer since he was two years old and taught himself to read and it is a necessary item for him. He will likely favor typed and written communication over spoken for the rest of his life. He loves the computer. LOVES.

He generally confines himself to his machine, leaving the girls’ computer alone (all the family computers are in the livingroom.)  But sometimes he wanders over and fools with theirs. I’ve never worried because I had passwords on the accounts, so what could he do, right? He wouldn’t hurt their stuff, but he might rearrange favorites, or rename files on their desktop, or in some other way be pesky and little brother like on their account. ANd mine needed to be secure because it’s administrator level and he could really screw something up.

He hacked the passwords.

From a combination of watching us type them and sheer luck, he figured out what they were and was delightedly clicking about on the girls’ account. As I said to a friend, HE IS FOUR YEARS OLD. FOUR, people!

I think we’re in real trouble here. Let’s hope he uses his powers for good instead of evil.

Katie McCarron, in the words of her grandfather

Katie spent much of her life in the care of her paternal grandparents. Here are some of her grandfather’s words about her. 

I would like to say something about Katie. Some newspapers have reported that this was done to end Katie’s pain; let me assure you that “Katie was not in pain”. She was a beautiful, precious and happy little girl. Each day she was showered with love and returned that love with hugs, kisses and laughter.

Continue reading at http://therunman.blogspot.com/2008/01/katie-mccarron.html

Karen McCarron’s trial continues…

Autism Vox is doing a great job covering the trial. Here’s some of Day 3…

Gail McCarron recalled that her daughter-in-law said “‘I really wish Katie were dead,’” at least three to five times and also that “”if Katie had cancer, I could deal with it. But I’ll never accept autism’.” Gale McCarron also said that “toward the end,” Karen McCarron did not call Katie by her name, referring to the three-year-old as as “‘the kid.’”

And a bit more….

[Witnesses] said the topic of every conversation with her revolved around curing Katie’s autism. Negativity and hatefulness were ceaseless when she discussed the child, who they say she never hugged, kissed or praised after she was diagnosed with autism.

“It was never good enough,” Jennifer McCarron said. “She looked at Katie as a problem, and she got rid of her problem. There’s nothing more to it than that.”

As I write this, Bede is happily playing on his computer behind me (currently he’s at http://fontso.com where he loves typing words and phrases in different fonts) and getting up every few minutes to run over to the front door and back to his chair as he warbles, grinning hugely. Lest you think life with Bede is always idyllic and charming, I will also note that last night at around 10:30PM he pooped (runny, bleck!), tried to clean it up himself (I appreciate the thought, not the actuality. Also, he was nakey.) and took a shower while I cleaned his chair and the glass of the computer monitor where he had gotten some. He did it in the space of about 2 minutes while I was getting a cup of water for Gilbert.

No it’s not always easy. But it’s always more than worth it. Always.

ssi update

Whew.

You wouldn’t think it would be so exhausting to sit in a room with a hundred other people for four hours, would you?

But it is.

We finally got the last bit of paperwork filed for Bede’s SSI, and we should get it beginning in February! Yay!

Comments I fielded during my time in the waiting room:

  • Wow, you look like you’re about to pop! (x4)
  • Your sixth? (x5)
  • Knitting? I could never do that. (x2)
  • Homeschooling? I could never do that. (x3)
  • Wow, autistic? I bet he’s amazing huh? (x1)
  • Oh, autistic? Is there any, you know, hope for kids like that? (thankfully, only x1, and I think she knows that autism is Really Okay, now. No thanks to Autism Speaks. Jerks.)

Whew, again. OK, I’m really ready to have the baby now. Nothing else to do before labor hits, so come on, bring it!

Karen McCarron’s trial to begin tomorrow

I don’t have cable or watch much TV, so I don’t know if this trial is getting any national publicity.

Karen McCarron had a daughter, Katie. Katie was autistic. Katie is described by her loving and heartbroken family as “beautiful, precious and happy.” Here’s a picture of Katie:
katie

(What follows involves the murder of a child, so if you don’t want to read it I understand.) 

Karen decided she wanted a “life without autism” and she suffocated 3-year old Katie with a plastic bag while she was at her (Karen’s) mother’s home, then took Katie’s body back to their home, carried her body upstairs (past other family members) and put her in bed, then returned to her mother’s home to dispose of the bag.  The next morning she tried to overdose on over the counter medication, and confessed to the police.

After countless delays, Karen’s trial begins tomorrow. I trust that justice will be served.

Myself, I don’t want a life without autism, thanks. I like my life just fine. Rest in peace, little girl.

learning about disability

Hala had me go to Wikipedia for a brief intro to the social model of disability. I’m still reading and learning, but this stuck out to me, and is exactly what I’m getting at:

The social model of disability is often based on a distinction between the terms ‘impairment’ and ‘disability.’ Impairment is used to refer to the actual attributes (or loss of attributes) of a person, whether in terms of limbs, organs or mechanisms, including psychological. Disability is used to refer to the restrictions caused by society when it does not give equivalent attention and accommodation to the needs of individuals with impairments.

Thanks Hala. You’re teh awesome.

ssi, disability

We applied for SSI for Bede last year. I can’t remember if I blogged about it at the time or not. For those who don’t know what that is, SSI stands for Supplemental Security Income, and it’s much like Social Security Disability, except it’s for people who have never paid Social Security taxes and is funded from the general federal budget. So, in a general sense you can think of it as being like SSDI, pretty much.

Anyway, we found out today that he was approved for it. It maxes out at around $640 a month, and we don’t yet know how much he’ll receive. We plan to immediately begin using it for at least monthly occupational therapy (he’s never had any because we couldn’t afford it) and more frequent visits to his psychologist. All of that will depend on how much his payment is, which will be dependent on our income, which we have to update for the SSA. Clear as mud?

I have some interesting feelings about the whole thing. I’m VERY happy that this money will be available to Bede. I know he will really benefit from OT and seeing his psychologist more often. But at the same time it is a heavier yoke to bear for me as I am reminded that my son is considered disabled. Even the gummint thinks so. Myself, I forget that he is. It sounds silly that I could live with this little naked boy who cannot really speak and forget somehow that he is, but I do forget it.

I don’t think of him as disabled. Impaired, handicapped… sure. But not disabled. I just don’t think that’s what he is.

Ah me. Ran out of steam, I think. In the meantime the ABFH has a post on a similar topic, here. She’s more eloquent than I. She didn’t have a 22mo clinging to her leg or trying to reboot the computer, no doubt.

Now that there’s a handicap.

my little pony coup!

Bede loves My Little Pony. We have some of the toys from a few years back when Faith and Abby really liked them, but most of them aren’t good for an autistic boy who has a very strong visual information gathering system. They have superstrong magnets in their hooves, see, and he figured out that magnets + CRT = television and computer monitor destructive fun! So, we got rid of the ponies, for the most part. We have some Ponyville figures from McDs that he likes.

What he really loves is the website and one particular video. The video is called “Dancing in the Clouds” and came with one of the ponies as a promo piece a few years ago. He’s watched our copy about 500 times in the last year, and as it’s VHS, it’s showing significant signs of wear. The colors are pastel and it fuzzes out periodically and has to have the tracking readjusted. I was not looking forward to the slow death of the tape and the accompanying inconsolable grief from my son, but the inevitable was going to happen in, by my estimate, the next six months or so. He likes CG animation a la Pixar, so I was going to get A Very Pony Place and try to transition him to it, but still it was going to be rough. Any kid losing a beloved object is hard, but for my autie it was going to be murder.

But today! Today I went to Borders Books because I had a $25 gift card and I was going to try to find something to give my dear husband for Christmas (struck out) and I found this!

Book cover to Dancing in the Clouds book and DVD set

It’s the book and DVD set of the video we have! For $3.99 on the bargain table! Yay! I bought it and gave it to him when I came home and he read the book immediately and we’ve been watching the DVD (the bright, vivid, non-muffled DVD) ever since!

Saccharine sweet, yes. But my delighted boy Bede’s even sweeter. Love!